How to Work With Anxiety Instead of Fighting It

Anxiety Therapy in Maryland

Anxiety can feel like an alarm going off in your body, even when you cannot identify exactly what is wrong. Your heart may race, your thoughts may spiral, and your mind may jump from one possible problem to another. You may know logically that you are safe, but your nervous system does not seem to believe it.

In the Office Hours with Arthur Brooks podcast episode, “2 Proven Strategies (and 1 Big Mistake) for Dealing with Anxiety,” Brooks describes anxiety as a form of “unfocused fear.” Unlike fear, which usually has a clear source, anxiety can feel like a general sense that something bad is about to happen. He encourages listeners to stop viewing anxiety as an enemy and instead learn how to understand and work with it.

This message stood out to us because many people begin therapy with one goal: I just want my anxiety to go away.

That feeling makes complete sense. Anxiety is uncomfortable. However, trying to eliminate every anxious feeling can sometimes make anxiety stronger.

Anxiety Is an Alarm, Not Always an Emergency

Anxiety developed as part of our natural survival system. It helps us notice possible threats and prepare ourselves to respond. The problem is that our brains do not always distinguish between a true emergency and the everyday stressors of modern life.

Financial worries, parenting stress, relationship conflict, work pressure, health concerns and uncertainty about the future can all activate the same internal alarm system.

When that alarm is repeatedly triggered, you may begin to experience:

• Racing or repetitive thoughts

• Trouble sleeping

• Muscle tension

• Irritability

• Difficulty concentrating

• A constant need for reassurance

• Avoidance of situations that feel uncomfortable

• A sense that you must stay busy or distracted

Your anxiety may be trying to protect you, but it may be responding as though every concern requires immediate action.

Strategy One: Keep an Anxiety Journal

The first strategy Brooks discusses is keeping an anxiety journal. Instead of allowing anxious thoughts to circle endlessly in your mind, write them down.

This may sound simple, but putting your thoughts on paper creates some distance between you and the anxiety. It allows you to observe what your mind is saying rather than immediately accepting every thought as a fact.

You might write down:

What am I afraid will happen?

What triggered this thought or feeling?

Is this something happening right now, or is it something I am predicting?

What evidence supports this fear?

What evidence suggests the situation may turn out differently?

What could I do if the feared outcome actually happened?

Over time, an anxiety journal can help you notice patterns. You may recognize that your anxiety is worse during certain times of the day, after scrolling on social media, when you are tired or when you are facing situations outside of your control.

Writing down your worries does not mean dismissing them. It gives you the opportunity to respond thoughtfully rather than reacting automatically.

This strategy is similar to techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for anxiety, where clients learn to identify the connection between their thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

The Big Mistake: Making Anxiety Elimination the Goal

The biggest mistake discussed in the podcast is trying to completely eliminate anxiety. Brooks explains that our culture often focuses on avoiding discomfort instead of developing the ability to move through it.

When we believe we must feel calm before we can move forward, our lives can become smaller.

We may avoid difficult conversations, new experiences, social events, driving, traveling, applying for jobs or making important decisions. We may repeatedly ask others for reassurance or spend hours researching every possible outcome.

These behaviors may bring temporary relief, but they can unintentionally teach the brain that anxiety is dangerous.

For example, imagine that you avoid an event because you are afraid you will feel anxious. You may feel relieved when you decide not to go. Your brain then learns, Avoiding the situation kept me safe.

The next time a similar event occurs, the anxiety may become even stronger.

Therapy often focuses on helping people understand that anxiety is uncomfortable, but discomfort is not the same as danger.

The goal is not to never feel anxious again. The goal is to build confidence that you can experience anxiety, use healthy coping skills and still make choices that support the life you want.

Strategy Two: Reframe Anxiety as an Adventure

Brooks also encourages listeners to reframe anxiety as an adventure or as energy that can be used in a more productive way. He draws on the idea that anxiety does not always have to prevent performance. In some situations, it can help us prepare, focus and recognize that something matters to us.

This does not mean pretending anxiety feels good or ignoring how overwhelming it can become.

It means changing the question.

Instead of asking, How do I make this feeling disappear? you might ask:

What is this anxiety trying to tell me?

What matters to me in this situation?

Can I take one small step even while feeling anxious?

What would I do if I trusted myself to handle the outcome?

You do not have to wait until you feel completely calm or confident. Courage often means moving forward while anxiety is still present.

This idea is also reflected in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which helps people make choices based on their values instead of allowing fear and avoidance to control their lives.

Anxiety and Social Media

The podcast also discusses the relationship between anxiety, screen use and social media, particularly for teenagers and young adults. Brooks encourages young women, in particular, to reduce the amount of time they spend on social media.

Social media can increase comparison, fear of missing out and the pressure to appear as though everything is going well. It also keeps our brains constantly stimulated and gives anxious thoughts more information to analyze.

Taking a break from social media may not eliminate anxiety, but it can reduce some of the noise surrounding it.

Helpful boundaries might include:

• Avoiding social media first thing in the morning

• Turning off unnecessary notifications

• Keeping your phone out of the bedroom

• Setting specific times to check apps

• Unfollowing accounts that increase anxiety or comparison

Small changes can give your nervous system more opportunities to rest.

Happiness and Anxiety Can Coexist

Another meaningful idea from the podcast is that happiness and unhappiness can exist at the same time.

You can feel anxious and still experience joy.

You can struggle with uncertainty and still feel grateful.

You can be going through a difficult season and still have moments of connection, meaning and hope.

Healing does not require you to wait until every problem is resolved. Part of managing anxiety is learning to make room for more than one feeling at a time.

When Is It Time to Seek Therapy for Anxiety?

Occasional anxiety is a normal part of life. However, it may be time to seek professional support when anxiety begins interfering with your daily functioning.

You may benefit from anxiety therapy if you are:

• Constantly expecting something bad to happen

• Experiencing panic attacks

• Struggling to sleep because your mind will not slow down

• Avoiding situations, places or people

• Feeling overwhelmed by parenting, relationships or work

• Frequently seeking reassurance

• Experiencing physical symptoms related to anxiety

• Using distractions to avoid your thoughts and feelings

• Feeling as though anxiety is controlling your choices

Therapy can help you better understand your triggers, recognize unhelpful thought patterns, develop coping skills and gradually face situations you have been avoiding.

Virtual Anxiety Therapy Anywhere in Maryland

At SoCo Counseling, we provide compassionate, personalized therapy for children, teens, adults and couples experiencing anxiety, panic, stress, perfectionism, trauma, relationship difficulties and major life transitions.

We offer virtual therapy for anyone located in Maryland, allowing you to meet with a therapist from the comfort and privacy of your own home.

Our therapists work with clients throughout Annapolis, Baltimore, Columbia, Frederick, Southern Maryland, Calvert County, Anne Arundel County and communities across the entire state.

Anxiety may be part of your story, but it does not have to control your life. You do not need to eliminate every uncomfortable feeling before you begin moving forward. Therapy can help you learn how to understand anxiety, respond to it differently and trust yourself to handle what comes next.

This blog was inspired by the Office Hours with Arthur Brooks podcast episode, “2 Proven Strategies (and 1 Big Mistake) for Dealing with Anxiety.”